166. The Wit and the Pendulum

I awoke up to such darkness that I couldn’t be sure if my eyes had actually opened. My head was spinning and unlike most hangovers, I found myself sitting and hunched over. As I reached up, a heavy weight pulled at my waist and a thick pain kept my hands fastened to my lap. I twisted and the pain increased. Little hairs pulled out of my arm. A female voice moaned behind me. As I tried to adjust myself, I could feel the tape around our waists and a small bench beneath us. I leaned to face her direction, “Talk about being tied up in the situation.” She didn’t reply, which in my experience is never a good sign. “So, do you come here often?” I asked. The only response was a twitching of her shoulder blades. I figured she was just starting to realize our situation. Mimicking her, I twisted my hands and more hair pulled out.

“Whats going on?” she asked in a weak creaking sound; it reminded me of a vinyl being played with a broken needle. In my mind I envisioned a plain pale woman, maybe mid twenties, eyes swollen from crying. She would have been walking home from work, or coming back from the store when the world turned on her. When she woke up, she was here, in the dark, tied to me. Talk about a fate worse than death. The tape on my waist tightened. The bench tipped on two legs as she tried to pull her self up. “Let me go” she yelled. The tape cut into my sides as she strained. “Why are you doing this to me?” All at once she collapsed and the bench smashed down on the metal floor. The ringing of the metal was dwarfed by her echoing voice.

“I don’t think anyone can hear us.” I said, not knowing if it was true or not. People don’t really get kidnaped off the street and wind up tied together. This is really more of a movie plot device. “Maybe Bruce Willis is on his way to rescue us.”

“Who are you?” she asked.

“My name is Jason and I’m an alcoholic.”

“I’m Linsey, Linsey Parks.”

“It’s nice to meet you Linsey.” I pressed my back against her as a primitive hand shake. She must have picked up the idea because she pressed back for a moment before slumping forward. With our waists tied together I could feel her lower back stretch as her lungs expanded. Silent sobs magnified by the echos filled the room. “Not exactly the best first date.” I joked.

I felt her lungs fill with air. “Why me?” She asked. I sensed a bit of guilt, like she wasn’t surprised. Her lungs filled again. “What did I do? I’m not a bad person, I don’t steal cars or kill little babies.” She said expelling the last of her breath so she wouldn’t cry.

“You must be in the wrong place then. I steal cars to drive teenage mothers to abortion clinics for a living.”

Bright light flooded the room stunning my senses, the whole world went from complete darkness to overbearing white. Several silhouettes of men formed and grew to enormous proportions in the light. Linsey screamed and her back spasmed violently. As my senses returned, I got my first glimpse of our prison, a metal shipping container, like the ones you see on boats.

“This is the police. Don’t be alarmed, we are here to help.” An officer squeezed around us and cut the tape at our waist. He then leaned over and freed our hands.

“Thank goodness you showed up,” I said. “I was about to bust out my ninja skills.”

© Chris Richards 2009